“I brush my teeth with a Sonicare toothbrush before every show.”  –David Copperfield

“I brush baby teeth during every show.”  –Jeff Brown

You’ve got to brush, brush, brush, brush your teeth.

You’ve got to brush, brush, brush, to get them clean.

You’ve got to brush, brush, brush, every day.

That’s how you fight tooth decay! 

I composed this brilliant and educational song for my daughter when she was only two years old.  I sang it with the great feeling and compassion only a father concerned about his kid’s oral health ever could.  

Simon Cowell:  That was terrible, I mean just awful. 

Interesting Fact:  There’s a little dance that goes along with it too. 

The last time I mentioned the tooth brush song to my daughter (she’s 23 now) she said she couldn’t remember it.  This revelation shocked and disappointed me because, come on, I’m talking about the tooth brush song here!  

I think the lyrics of this beautiful work of poetry just might be the most impressive and creative achievement of my entire writing career.  How could Jessica, my only daughter, forget the toothbrush song?  I guess all I can do now is hope my two year old granddaughter has a better memory.  That’s right– I’m teaching it to Hailey now. 

I scooted a small step stool up to the bathroom sink.  “Come here, kiddo,” I called, “it’s time to brush those pearly whites.”  She came running and climbed up as I squirted a tiny dab of baby toothpaste on her toothbrush.  I grinned, cleared my throat, and sang, “You’ve got to brush, brush, brush, brush your teeth.” 

“Cup,” she said, reaching for the rinse glass.  

“First you need to brush,” I replied, handing her the toothbrush.  “Do you know what to do?” 

“Uh, huh.”  She nodded and stuck it in her mouth.  

I pointed at her and continued, “You’ve got to brush, brush, brush, to get them clean.” 

After a few brush strokes, she crinkled her face and yanked it out.  The toothbrush plopped on the sink and she exclaimed, “Yucky, Papa.”  She reached for the cup again.  “Driiink!” 

I filled the water glass and handed it to her.  She took a deep swig and gawked at me as if she didn’t know what to do.  

“Um,” I said, “go ahead and spit, Hailey.” 

Water erupted from her tiny mouth and dripped down the front of her shirt.  

“In the sink!”  I grabbed the towel and wiped her off.  Her shirt was damp, but she didn’t seem to mind.  “Here’s how to spit, Hailey.”  I demonstrated by leaning over the sink and saying, “Ptooey!” 

“Heehee.”  She pretended too.  “Phooey!” 

Another Interesting Fact:  Four out of five babies surveyed recommend learning to brush from their grandpas that still have teeth.  

All in all, I think our first joint tooth brushing experience went pretty well.  We may not have gotten the best cleaning job accomplished this time around, but I feel I’ve helped instill good brushing habits in my granddaughter.  I plan to keep her brushing in the future by using lots and lots of positive reinforcement.  

Her shirt was still wet, so I grabbed the hairdryer off its hook.  “Let me dry that for you, Hailey” 

“Aaaaa!”  She scrambled down the stool and ran down the hallway.  

I turned out the light and mumbled in the dark, “And that’s how you fight tooth decay.” 

Special Note to the Producers of Sesame Street:  If you’d like to use the tooth brush song in your show, please contact my agent.