“These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise. Its continuing mission: to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations, to boldly go where no one has gone before. ” –Introduction from Star Trek
“These are the voyages of the John Deere I like to call Enterprise. Its mission: to boldly mow where no one has mowed before.” – Jeff Brown
Here I am out in the field. Literally.
Well, technically I’m not in a field, it’s more of a Creeping Charlie and Not-So-Dandy Lion wildlife preserve, but this customer’s yard is so huge it might as well be a field. Working with Dad in the lawn mowing business sure got an early start this year, and business is blooming. Hahahaha!
That’s so funny because instead of “booming,” I used a word more closely associated with plants.
Note to self: I need to cut my caffeine consumption in the mornings.
There’s nothing like starting the day with a pot of coffee and a can of Mountain Dew. Yes, my brain is in overdrive!
Note to self: I probably should have gotten a job with a private bathroom.
Be still, my intestinal tract, there’s nowhere to go out here. Oh well, at least this outdoorsy career keeps me physically fit, although my feet are killing me.
Note to self: Daddy needs a new pair of mowing shoes.
I sure hope today goes better than yesterday. It was humiliating when that little girl kept yelling at me from her bedroom window, “Get out of my yard or I’m calling the cops.”
Note to Little Cretin: No, Virginia, there’s no Santa Clause.
This terrain is bumpy! I must distract my brain from my expanding bladder.
The Twin Paradox is a thought experiment in special relativity in which a John Deere lawn tractor makes a journey into space and returns home to find it has fewer hours on its engine than its identical twin that stayed on earth. Consider this tractor traveling from Earth to the nearest star outside our solar system 4 light years away at a speed 80 percent the speed of light.
The round trip will take 10 years in Earth time (i.e. everybody on earth (including the twin) will be 10 years older when the tractor returns). The amount of time as measured on the tractor’s clock will be reduced by the factor ε=√1-v2/c2. In this case, the traveling tractor’s engine will only have 6 years’ worth of wear and tear on it when it gets back to Earth!
THIS ISN’T WORKING AND MY BLADDER IS GOING TO GO SUPERNOVA. I wonder if anyone would see me if I went over there by that bush. What’s the worst that could happen?
Note to self: Probably an indecent exposure charge and a write-up in the local newspaper.
I want to be in the paper, but not that way. Too bad my column writing career isn’t going as well as the mowing business. I firmly resolve to get up at 4 AM tomorrow and write a new blog.
Note to self: Hahahaha!
I suppose I’ll end up mowing yards for the rest of my life. When I was a kid, there was an old woman in town that mowed yards for a living. Mean people called her Crazy. I wonder what the locals will call me in coming years.
There goes Eccentric Jeff. He used to be respected in this town until he got caught watering somebody’s grass.
Maybe that newspaper editor I sent sample columns to last week called me back. I’ll check my phone right now for missed messages.
Crap.
Note to self: Buy beer on the way home tonight after you visit the shoe store.
Little Cretin: Officer, you won’t believe what that bad man did to my parent’s bushes!