“Winning is like shaving– you do it every day to look like a bum.” –Jeff Brown
I’m feeling pretty good these days because I’ve got all my ducks in a row. Yep, I’ve been a regular model of middle-aged responsibility.
Eye exam? Check.
Six month dental cleaning? Check.
Yearly physical? Check.
Perfect stubble? You betcha!
If you’re wondering, the perfect stubble is a relatively new item on my list of physical responsibilities. It all started with the electric razor my wife gave me for our anniversary. It boasts itself as, “just the tool for creating and maintaining perfect stubble.”
Interesting fact: My wife has a thing for guys with a permanent case of five o’clock shadow.
I can tell by her celebrity preferences. Some of her favorite leading men include Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles who play the Winchester brothers on the TV show Supernatural. She’s also been a huge fan of Harrison Ford since his days of playing Indiana Jones. As I was writing this column, I asked her if there were any more she wanted to add and Jason Statham, Gerard Butler, and Ben Affleck rolled off her tongue. (She would’ve kept going, but I couldn’t write fast enough to keep up.)
After a careful examination of her list, (she says I’m supposed to add Leonardo DiCaprio) the only thing I think these guys have on me besides, well, great looks, bulging muscles, talent, and buckets of money is their seemingly perfect and perpetual level of scruffiness. I’ll have to admit I’ve sometimes wondered how movie stars maintain the appropriate amount of scruff without letting it grow completely out of control. I know from experience if I go a few days without shaving, I begin to look a little like Tom Hanks from Cast Away.
Thanks to my wife, I don’t have to wonder anymore because I’m now the proud owner of a brand new Philips Norelco Rechargeable Cordless Shave tool kit! According to the directions, I can set the length setting on the beard styler attachment anywhere from 3/64 to 11/64 inch.
I don’t know about other men, but I have a difficult time visualizing my beard in sixty-fourths of an inch increments. What I needed was a chart of celebrity scruffiness to go by, you know, to help guide me in my stubble length selection. Of course I couldn’t find one, so I created my own…
It’s taken me a few weeks, but I think I’ve finally gotten the knack of maintaining just the right amount of scruff on my face. Yes, after spending a half hour in the bathroom grooming myself this morning, I look like I just rolled out of bed.
Special Note: My wife wants me to add George Clooney, Justin Timberlake, David Beckham, and Bruce Willis to her list too.